Soo Line: National Spring-Cleaning Week Was Days Ago — Sorry (Not Sorry) I Missed It

by Soo Greiman 

It has come to my attention that March 19–25 was National Spring-Cleaning Week.  Somehow, I missed it. I apologize for not letting you know in time.  

Honestly, I really was not aware that cleaning is celebrated — spring or otherwise. And even if spring cleaning is worth observing, don’t you think a full week is a bit excessive? After all, we only get one day to celebrate our country’s independence — July 4 — and Thanksgiving, not to mention Donut Day (June 1), Fly a Kite Day (June 15) and National Ice Cream Cone Day (Sept. 23). Now THAT is something worth celebrating for a full week.  

Sorry I dropped the ball in passing along this important information. I guess you could  go ahead and do your spring cleaning now, but we’re almost into April, so I don’t recommend  it. You could put it off until next March and blame me — although National Blame Someone Else Day was Jan. 13, and you missed that, too.  

Here’s a thought: you could skip spring cleaning altogether and just do extensive research on the subject like I have. After all, that kind of research is easy to come by this time of year when women’s magazines are chock-full of how-to articles. If you want to go a step  farther, an internet search will reveal no fewer than 185 pages of links to articles about spring  cleaning. Clearly, I’m not the only one who would rather write about it than do it.  

A careful study of these articles reveals some important findings:  

1. Many writers use words like “easy” and “a breeze” to describe spring cleaning. These are people who have never done any. Some even go so far as to say, “Make it fun.” Just guessing, but these are people who need more hobbies.  

2. If there’s a photo in an article about spring cleaning, it will be of a smiling, attractive  woman who looks like she’s enjoying the cleaning she’s doing. I’m smart enough to know the reason she’s smiling is because she’s a well-paid model with a housecleaning service.  Observant readers will also note she has no smudges on her face and no cobwebs in her hair.  Obviously, her house was clean before she picked up the broom. Hey, I’d smile too.  

3. Finally, you’ll notice that if you were to do everything some of these articles suggest — from reorganizing your spice rack to resealing your grout to removing stains from the carpet — it would take a lot longer than one week.  

Rather than spending all the time it would take to clean your house using the top-to bottom, deep-cleaning method, I recommend the “tidy things up” approach to spring cleaning.  I wish there were a high moral message I could apply to avoid deep cleaning around the house, but there isn’t. The truth is, I don’t like doing extensive cleaning, so I don’t. What I do is only enough to get by — and usually, it feels just fine.  

Whenever I’m expecting company and want things a little cleaner, I tidy things up. It gets the job done. This always feels sublime, and I wind up thinking, “I should do this more often.” But I don’t. What I do instead is sit down and read a magazine full of good stories about how to clean a home.  

Again, this spring I am relaxing my cleaning standards and promoting the “tidy things up” method — mostly because there are other things I’d rather do.  

Already, I’ve noticed there are more days on the calendar coming up that we need to remember to celebrate. I’ll try to keep you informed. Here are a few:

National Chocolate Mousse Day is April 3,

April 7 is No Housework Day,

April 10 is National Hug Your Dog Day,

and Chocolate Éclair Day will be here before you know it on June 22.